Still here...not kidnapped

Hey Everyone,

Sorry it´s been so long since I´ve written. School has been really hectic lately. Last week, we had math assessments every day. The kids thought they were a pain, but they have no idea what it´s like to correct 18 pages X 25 kids. That took a while. Overall, they did really well though, so I´m happy about that.

Last Friday night, we had what is referred to as an ¨Integration Party¨ at the school. Most teachers opt for a weekend day, maybe a BBQ or a get together at a farm, but no, not me. When I asked the kids what they wanted to do, they said, ¨Camping!¨ Originally, I thought no way, but then after a while, and seeing how much they wanted this, I gave in. I guess the Boy Scout buried in me came out. Luckily, a kid in my class whose dad works at the school volunteered to help out. He teaches Kindergarten, and does a campout with his kids every year. Plus, he is a real outdoorsy person, so I knew with his help, we could pull it off.

So, after school last Friday, he and I got together to make a scavenger hunt around the school that the kids and their parents would compete in, which was very similar to ¨The Amazing Race.¨ The parents showed up at about 5PM and the kids and I played basketball, soccer, etc. You should have seen these parents show up to the campout wearing Gucci and Armani gear, and completely clueless about the whole concept of camping, how to set up a tent, etc. It was hilarious. For most of them, they had never done anything like it. As it got later, some of the parents started bitching about how cold it was, how it might rain, and how they wanted to camp out in the gymnasium. One dad gets all fired up and tells me that I need to go tell everyone that we´re camping out on the softball field and that´s that and that if these parents thought they were going to camp out in the middle of ´winter´ (ha) and that it wasn´t going to be cold, they were kidding themselves. So I gathered everyone up and told them the drill. They went along with it, although most of them talked to each other throughout my speech with no regard to the concept of being polite and listening. What was I going to do?

We head up to the ball field and start setting up tents, which was about a 2 or 3 hour ordeal. Finally, we begin the BBQ, which was great..tons of food. At about 9PM, we start the scavenger hunt, and a few of the parents charged out ahead of everyone else, completely leaving the kids behind. That answered my question regarding why the Colombian kids are so insanely competitive. About 45 minutes later, there are about 2 or 3 groups looking for the last clue, which I have in my possession. I asked them if they were looking for the last clue, and when they said they were, I told them it might be closer than they think. This guy comes charging at me to get it, and when I told him he won, he grabs me in a bear hug and starts jumping around. That was the beginning of WWIII. All the other families start having an absolute shit fit, telling me that they were cheating and it wasn´t fair that they won. It was ridiculous.

From there, we set up a bonfire for the kids to roast marshmallows and make smores, but most of the kids were hellbent on roasting their marshmallows to a disgusting crisp. I though about telling them about the risks of cancer and carcinogens, but decided to let it go.

After that, we went out at about 11PM to take a walk through the forest because the kids were still absolutely CRAZY with energy. I had downloaded a really cool story earlier off the internet called, `Buffalo Woman` which I was determined to tell that night. I rehearsed it to myself about 2 or 3 times throughout the day. When I used to go to Science Camp, the naturalists would always take the kids out on a night hike and tell really cool stories, and I was always really envious. I had always wanted to be able to do that, so when we got to the end of our hike, a cliff overlooking the entire city with lights and all, I told them to take a seat and began my story. The kids thought it was going to be really scary because I paused so often for dramatic effect, so on one particularly long pause, I let out this horrifying scream that scared the bejesus out of both parents and kids. It was hilarious, and I could not resist. So I continued the rest of my story, about 15 minutes in all, flawlessly, and was quite proud of myself. I nailed it. All the parents were complimenting me, and it felt great. The story was basically about a woman who meets an Indian warrior, marries him, and then tells him about how she is really a buffalo. When they go to see her family, they lay down and roll over twice and turn into buffalo. I won`t go into details, because you can easily do a Google search and find it if you ever get REALLY bored, but when it was over and we were walking back, a couple of kids asked me if it was a true story and I tell them that it absolutely was. Poor, gullible, kids.

The next morning, we get up and eat breakfast and then get into the most competitive game of kickball you have ever seen. We played for almost 2 hours, and they never got sick of it. Later, we got out the hose and I showed off my sadistic side by relentlessly spraying kids in the face and completely drenching them. I, of course, got a little wet myself. It was quite fun.

Anyway, now all the other teachers are pissed at me because all of the other 4th Graders are asking why they can`t have a campout like Mr. Ben`s class. I keep telling them to bug their teachers until they give in. They hate me, and I love every minute of it.

I was going to wait until I had some pictures to make this post, but I should get them sometime this week. I will put them up ASAP.

Tonight, there is a staff party, called ``Witch`s Brew``, which should be a good time. It is in a part of town called Envigado, which is a little different than Poblado. It is a little more down to Earth. However, it is a neighborhood where the Gringos stick out that much more. Last time I went, I felt like Shaquille O`Neil, minus the blackness. The people stared at me like I was on fire. I kind of liked it. What can I say, I`m a whore for attention.

I hope everyone`s doing well. I miss you guys. Talk to you later.

Ben

My New Bed- Bought Downtown This Weekend

Picture of Downtown

A Strange Monument Downtown

Another Angle

Late Friday Night

Ah...much better

OK, things are back to normal now. Thanks to all of you who fell into my "pity-trap" and sent me kind words. That was a rough day. I woke up feeling like crap, and things just got progressively worse. Little things started to pile up and make one big dung-heap on my forehead. The next day was oh, so much better. Good day at school, great dinner, a phone call from Craig, these are things that make bad thoughts go away. Plus, I started tutoring that night and had a good time. It's nice to feel needed.

The funniest thing happened yesterday in class. This is blogworthy...

We're doing a "word wall" activity where I introduce a word, we put it into sentences and questions, find words in the same "family", and make up new words using the same letters. It's something we do everyday, and a new process for me. I've had word walls in the past, but it was as simple as writing a word on a card and then putting it up on a wall. Very different.

So, the word is "yet" and we're going through finding rhyming words. We're doing words like "bet", "met", "pet", and so on. Then one kid says, "sheet", and all the kids start snickering. It takes me a second to realize that the way they pronounce their i's can sometimes be like long e's. For example, our word "it" is usually pronounced "eet", so all the kids think he just said "shit." I laugh it off and tell them that the word they're thinking of is spelled s-h-i-t. We do a few more words and then this girl says, "I think I know another word, but it's French." I tell her to go for it and she says........"Fuckshit."

I'm horrified, but I realize that it went completely over all the kids' heads. Not one of them got it, except for maybe the new kid from Miami, who like me, is in a mild state of shock. I tell her, "No! No, don't ever say that again. You just blended together two of the worst cuss words in the English language. And tell whoever it is that's teaching you these so-called French words to knock it off."

You can't see that I just had to take a break from typing because one of my student's moms just popped in to tell me about her terrible ex-husband. She proceeds to tell me that there is a big dance tomorrow night at some school nearby that a bunch of teachers from here are going to, and asks me if I want to go. Seeming innocent enough, I tell her that I'd love to. She says, "Give me your cell phone number" and when I do, she says, "Yes! I have a date with my daughter's teacher." I reply, "You won't be jealous when I look at other women, will you?" and she says, "No. I can share you." What's up with that?

This place is crazy.

The Slump

I guess not all the blog postings can be happy, exciting, funny, etc. I'm in a slump. It's getting a little depressing right now. Work is getting tedious, but it's also really challenging at the same time. I guess I thought all the kids would be exceptionally bright and pick up on concepts quickly, but this is not the case. So many of them are really lazy, and it's really frustrating. When they don't do well on something, it comes right back on me. Demands are piling on, such as writing assessments, math assessments, reading inventories (which take about 30 minutes each), workshops, meetings, more meetings, and the list goes on. Besides all that, I don't really enjoy the company of many of my co-workers. All day I'm surrounded by this group of girls who are all very cliquey, and not overly friendly to this somewhat moody and frustrated 4th Grade teacher.

Top it off with the fact that now there are supposedly rumors and gossip going on about me and my sometimes slighly erratic behavior, which is traditional fare if you've been around me at any given party. It's like the people here have nothing else to talk about, and they really don't, so they make things up and exaggerate. I guess the honeymoon period is officially over.

TCK and Stockton are sounding better and better. It was really nice to have a core group of friends around, and I guess I thought I'd make a ton while here, but it isn't looking like that's the case. People tell me, "Hang in there, it'll get better." That's so easy to say. Maybe it's just the timing of the whole situation, possibly the two month mark is notorious for this kind of thing, I don't know, but right now it really sucks!

My "Tribe"

Spanish Classes

We started our Spanish classes last night, and it was kick-ass. I am officially a graduate student at EAFIT, which stands for something, I'm sure, but I don't really know. I walk down there, which is about 2 or 3 miles, with Marlene, a 50-something Canadian teacher who is absolutely great. The class is 2 hours a night, 2 nights a week for the next 3 months. Our teacher is probably in his late 20's and speaks perfect English as well. I'm really excited about Wednesday because Marlene is staying at school for a guest speaker, which means I will have Spanish all by myself. I am hoping that by the time these classes are over, I'll be much better. I was a little unsure about spending 2 hours in class after a long day, and then coming home just in time for bed, but it's perfect. Watch out fluency, here I come.

I've gotta go run and meet a travel agent that comes to the school every Tuesday to help us plan trips. I'm working on getting Kelly, Alain, Paige, and Colby to Cartagena for Semana Santa (Holy Week) in April. As for the rest of you, without kids, THIS is the place you want to be. Don't make me regret getting a 3 bedroom apartment for my "guests" who never show up...

Isaias- My nino, and Pepito, Dan's kid's brother

A View From Jeff's Apartment of El Poblado

The Boss- Barbara Alken

My Paisa Friend- Adrianna

Hillary- Fellow 4th Grade Teacher

Allison- 4th Grade Teacher

Liz- 4th Grade Teacher (who says she is NOT picking her ear)

Naomi- 4th Grade Team Leader

Back to Normal

You won't read this until tomorrow because you are undoubtedly enjoying your "last day of Summer" right now, but me, well, there's no such thing as Labor Day in Colombia. Don't you feel bad for me? Nah.

Obviously, Saturday sucked big time. When I got home that night, I went straight to bed and slept until the next morning. Adrianna and I were supposed to go out, but I flaked on her for about the 3rd time. When I woke up, I had 10 missed calls from her. Did I mention that Paisas are jealous people?

Sunday was much better. Dan and I picked up Isaias and took him and Dan's friend's kid, Pepito (3 yrs) to the 5-Star Hotel Intercontinental pool, where the Columbus School employees are let in for free. He had a great time. I think about how much I love the pool, so it must have been a thrill for him. When we left, I came home and made the call of shame. Luckily, she's a forgiving girl, so we made plans for 5:00 PM. I went to Jeff's house and waited for her there.

Fast-forward to 6:45, and still no Adrianna. Jeff tells me that this is totally normal, but I'm getting a little annoyed. I decide that I'm going to head down to Parque Lleras (pronounced Par-kay Jerrus) and wait for her there, martini in hand. We get outside the building and she pulls up on her moped. So we start walking down to P.L. and Jeff is having a completely Spanish conversation with her, of which I only understand bits and pieces, and I start getting a little nervous. So far, I can only speak Spanish when I'm drinking, and by the way, I seem to be able to do that really well (the drinking or the speaking, you're thinking, and the answer is both). I begin to wonder how this date's going to go. A first date is always a little on the awkward side, but in a different language?!

Jeff leaves, and now I'm on my own. Determined to not have bouts of awkward silence, I start in. I tell her that I want her to correct me when I'm off and help me learn. Also, I've heard that body language and non-verbal communication account for 90 percent of communication, and let me assure you that this is not far off. We go to dinner at a place called El Carbon, which is supposed to be famous for its meat selection. I get my martini and we begin chatting for about 30 minutes before ordering. But when I look at the menu, I notice that everything on it begins with "Portobello", which I can only assume means I'll be eating mushrooms. Not my favorite. I find one that comes with a blue cheese base, and think to myself that a steak with mushrooms will be good, I'll just have to push them to the side. I ask the waitress if I can get the meal without mushrooms and she gives me the craziest look. Minutes later the food arrives, and I'm looking at a bowl of mushrooms. No steak anywhere. And that's what I eat for dinner. Not wanting to appear angry or discontent, I eat the mushrooms, but mostly bread dipped in the blue cheese sauce. Not my greatest dinner. However, the company was great and things went really well. Jeff tells me that I'm now officially her boyfriend, but I don't know how I feel about that. Why should I settle on just one? I don't know what to do.

"That Guy"

Today, I'm "That Guy." It's Saturday and I'm at this BS, hippy Tribes training and I'm really bitter about it. Last night, I told Jeff, "I can't go big. I need to be home early because I don't want to be hung over during training." Ha. Huge joke.

So here I am, not hung over, but rather drunk still. I walk in and it's like a spotlight is shining on me. First thing I do is grab a cup of coffee and spill it all over my pants. It reminded me of the episode of Seinfeld where Kramer sneaks a cup of coffee into the movie theater. Not only am I a total mess, but now I have giant coffee stain on my pants. To top it off, I wake up and put on the shirt that the Meis's and Hafners give me with a picture of a pinata saying, "I'd hit that." Fortunately, most people aren't intelligent enough to understand the double entendre (what was that word?)

Last night, we went out to Envigado, a part of Medellin, where we were once again novelties. These girls are giving us the total stare-down, so we sit with them and begin chatting. I swear, when drinking, I am totally fluent in Spanish. It's amazing. I talked all night with them in Spanish and don't remember having any difficulties. Then again, sometimes my mind plays tricks on me. I don't really have a great story to tell, but I came home with two new numbers in my phone. Good times. I sat there all night talking to this girl and her mom, who was kick-ass. She was a lot of fun. I think her mom and I arranged my marriage with her daughter.

Today, I am paying the price. The funny thing is that at one point, Jeff said, "Let's go home", to which I replied, "You go. Don't you worry about me. I'm a big boy. I hate you." Today, the "Big Boy" is paying the price. People were telling me, "You were funny for a while, but now you're just being a jackass."

We're on lunch break which was much needed. I scarfed down my lunch in about 10 seconds and ran to the computer. I keep checking for emails from my dear friends and family, but it seems people have somehow lost my email address. Guilt trip, anyone?

Gotta run. I need to be back on time and actually participate this afternoon to save my job.

Ben