Day From Hell...

Yesterday, in one word, sucked.

It was supposed to be a 50-minute booze cruise, but that was not the case.

I got to the terminal one hour early, at 1015. I figured, how many people are really going to Uruaguay?, but I was oh, so wrong. I could barely get in the damn door without throwing elbows into little old ladies. The lines in this place really weren`t lines at all. It was more like a bunch of people fighting to get to ticket windows. It`s times like these that I`m glad I can throw around my weight because I surely did. So I meet up with these 3 guys and we wait for one hour before getting to the ticket window. All the people in there were definitely pissing me off, but nobody more than this damn nun standing in front of me with not one, not two, and not even three suitcases, but 6 SUITCASES and a guitar! I thought nuns lived a simple life, but it was more like watching The Simple Life on TV with Paris and Nicole unloading the bus with their mountains of bags. Ooh, good one Ben! How did you ever think of that play on words? You are so clever!

We`re told that the boat is going to be an hour late, which is no big deal. I guess I figured that this was a special occasion since maybe people were going back after celebrating the holidays in B.A. We finally got on the boat at 115 PM, a full two hours late, and this was all while standing in various lines. I`m thinking that I can drown my anger with free beer, but NO! Drinks aren`t free! Another South American lie. There are so many lies in South America, it`s unbelievable. Rather than disappoint or anger you, they just lie to avoid confrontations. I can`t count all the lies I`ve been told since coming down here, but that`s another story for another day. The lack of free beer didn`t stop us from consuming plenty though, but what really sucked was that the so-called 50 minute ride was actually 1.5 hours and it was choppy as hell. I started sweating like a Hebrew slave and thought I might be spending the rest of my day throwing up in trash cans, but we got there just in time. Another little surprise was that when we got there, we went ahead an hour! Now, it`s almost 4 o`clock and our boat is leaving at 845, but we have to be there an hour early! That means we`ve come all this way to hang out for about 3 hours!

Wouldn`t you know that after 3 straight days of heat, we pick the day to go the beachfront town when it`s the crappiest weather? What luck! It was cloudy and gray, with rain, and probably 25 mph winds...all day long. We basically just strolled around stopping at a couple of different restaurants for snacks and drinks, but before we knew it, we needed to head back to the boat terminal. While we`re walking there, I ask these guys why I have only my ticket there, and no return ticket. They all say that they have one and I can´t figure out why I don`t. I brace myself for an encounter at the ticket window...

When I finally get up there, I try to tell the guy what happened, how the other ticket counter in BA never gave me my tickets back. I tell him that the other guy forgot and that I should be in the computer. He basically tells me that it`s my fault and that I can`t travel without it. I tell him again that the other guy forgot and that I should be in the computer. He tells me that he cannot look me up and then asks me if I have my tickets. By this time, I`m ready to come through the god-damned window for a strangling. I tell him that I don`t have the ticket and he asks me what happened to it. I couldn`t believe it. This had to be the stupidest man alive. I told him one more time that the guy didn`t give it back to me, and could he please look me up in the computer using my passport number. He tells me he can`t do that and that I need to buy another ticket. I told him once more that the guy didn`t give it back to me and that it`s not my fault! I tell him that I used my credit card and that I should be in the computer. Finally, he asks me for my passport and looks me up. Then he reprints the boarding pass. I was so irate by this point that I absolutely wanted to go off on someone, but I thought that it could land me in jail, or even worse, cause me to stay another night on the worst tourist destination possible. I get my ticket, then we find out that there´s an hour delay! Yippee! We get into a line that literally isn´t moving at all and sit there for 30 minutes. We finally get through customs and then wait some more in the boarding area. The boat comes and we get on. The cabin is really nice and the seats are super comfortable, so I`m thinking this will all be OK. We order a round of beers and the lady tells us they`re free! We`re all smiling and happy, ready to put down some serious beer. I ask the lady if it`s all-you-can-drink and she says yes! I start pounding my beer and ask the guy for another. Then he tells me they`re out. There`s no more. I couldn`t believe it...actually, I could at this point. Fine. No beer. Whatever. I recline my seat, and then guess who comes on board? A family with a small kid and a crying baby! The kid comes right behind me and gives my seat a good, swift kick. I said something like, ¨Oh, hell no.¨ The kid then proceeds to reach over the seat and put his hand on the guy`s head sitting next to me. We look at each other, and without saying a word, move forward to the front of the boat. Then the baby goes pretty much full-force for the remainder of our trip. We finally get off the hell-boat. I remember watching people get off the last boat and they didn´t have to wait for anything, but not us! We get off and then have to stand in a line and wait for a bus because they took us to a different dock! Finally, we get off the bus and back into the city at 1030 PM. But we`re not quite done yet! Now, we all have to wait in the rain for taxis in a culture that doesn`t believe in lines! I said screw it and just walked in the damned rain. I finally found a cab, and thinking that I needed to do something good for myself, I asked him to take me to an area with restaurants somewhere near my hostel. I found one, ordered the best steak they had, some mozzarella sticks (way better than any others I`ve ever had) and a bottle of wine. The last hour of the night was good. Very good.

Today, I got up, packed my bags, and came over to the internet cafe to book my hotel. I`m getting the hell out of there. I can`t take it anymore. It`s time to sleep in a bed that fits, shower in a place where I don`t have to wear sandals, and relax in an area that isn´t filled with a bunch of stink- ass hippies. Hostel life is not for me.

After I check in, I´m going to try to find a tango show for the evening. I also have some other sites that I need to hit. I`m out of here early Saturday morning, so I´ve got three solid days left. I`ll keep you posted.

BK